Being a klutz is one thing.

But being a klutz during your morning shave is a whole new ballgame.

Here are some painful and/or absurd moments I’ve shared with my razor in the recent past. Please note, I am approaching 30. It’s not like I’m a squirmy 11-year old embarking on this exciting adventure (which, mind you, the act of shaving IS for young women). And when I shave in the morning, I’m not bleary-eyed and half-functioning from a short night’s sleep. I’ve already worked out for an hour, dancing and squatting to Ke$ha and Calvin Harris. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! Or something like that.

I have:

  • Sliced open my knee crack
  • Shaved 1/2 an inch of skin off my ankle, producing an adorable scar (really, who needs butterfly tattoos when you’ve got a cute little chunk of skin missing?)
  • Used a dull razor on my underarms (because I was too lazy to get out the scissors to open the new bulletproof-plastic razor package), which I assure you, is worse than you’d think. Try wearing a snug tank top after that, fellas
  • Occasionally shaved too quickly, producing tiny knicks, generally around the outside knee area where the skin is thinnest. Ladies, I know you feel me here. The tiny cuts are the worst offenders. If I may quote Cat Stevens (or Sheryl Crow, if you prefer), The First Cut is the Deepest
  • Sliced open my hip upon returning the razor to the shower rack. This happened this morning and prompted this post. I had to wear a loose jersey skirt to work because my pants lay precisely atop my newest battle wound
  • Considered waxing everywhere instead of shaving, but that is for another post I’m writing entitled:

No, Lady, I Really Like Your Nail Salon and The Way You Trim My Cuticles But If You Suggest I Get a Lip Wax One More Time, I Will Never Return

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