I’ll make friends. You make babies.

I’ll be 30 in two months, which means for now, I’m 29. No need to double-check my math.

A majority of my vagina-wielding friends now have children, and those that were left all got together and mass-announced their pregnancies with 4D photos of tiny beige faces on Facebook last month. Who knew January was a surefire month for unprotected sex?

I, for one, have not had a baby recently or at any time in my life. (I do, however, have two cats, which I realize is not the same thing at all. But they love to cuddle and they were born knowing how to walk and pose for photos. I share these furry loves with my handsome boyfriend.)

These days, my adulthood friend pool includes my single friends, my busy-as-shit-but-still-the-shit mom friends, some dudes who are always asking about my single or hot married friends, and a few women who are A) defiantly against child-rearing, B) not quite ready for child-rearing but excited for that day, C) scared to death of child-rearing but may give it a try someday when they drink too much pinot or just for the hell of it, and D) me.

But, don’t worry, I’m not writing about cats or babies. I’m unqualified.

For my inaugural post, I want to talk about female friendships at 29. In particular, how to start one. So, tell me. What do you do when a girl (do we still call each other girls at this age?) you barely knew in high school moves back to town 11 years later and asks if you’d like to hang out sometime?

Well, first, you get super excited because it must mean she saw something in you that she liked. On Facebook.

Then, you wonder what the hell you’re going to talk about on your girl date.

So, naturally, you consult the truest source you know. Not your mom or your sister, not your boyfriend, not the female coworker who doubles as a social butterfly. Nope. You’re too ashamed. You go to Google.

Okay, maybe YOU don’t. But I do.

“How to make friends as a female adult,” I type.

“What to talk about on a girl date.”

“Conversation starters for women.”

“What pairs well with pinot noir.”

“Do wild turkeys fly.”

“Do any turkeys fly.”

…And so on and so forth.